A New November

I’ve been really taking time to rest lazy since the Columbus Half on October 17.  It wasn’t that great of a race (time and endurance wise), but I finished and I learned a few things about myself along the way (see my post about it here).  Mostly, I learned to be thankful that I can, do, and will run for as long as I am able when so many people can’t or simply won’t take the first step.  Not only that, some people don’t even know they can run because they don’t even try. 

Today was one of those days that started out great (for a Monday, anyways) and went downhill as the day wore on, getting progressively worse along the way.  My nerves were spent by the time the clock hit 4: 30 p.m. and I was off work, and even the radio on the drive home was too much noise for my spinning head.  Stressed to the max with no patience left and no gas in the tank; I was like a car running on fumes sputtering to make it home.  The fact that my gas gauge really was on “E” didn’t make my drive home any less taxing.

I came in the front door and the only way I could possibly be nice to my husband was to not say anything (even though my bad day had nothing to do with him).  He tried his best to cheer my up with the famous “dog pile” (i.e. he and the pups bury me under themselves – dog tongues going crazy – while I laugh and carry on and try to get out).  It at least made me smile, but wasn’t the cure-all for my blues that a dog pile usually is.  My husband asked me what he could do to help.

I said, “I think I need to go run.”

He replied, “Will that make you feel better?”

“Yes.”

There was no question about it then.  I changed my clothes, laced up my shoes, grabbed a drink and I was out the door to the park across the street.  I started running as soon as I hit the path and it felt good.  Very good.  By the end of Mile 1, I was huffing and puffing like I had never run before (or like I hadn’t run in two weeks), but I had a gigantic smile on my face.  I stopped to hydrate and – embarrassingly enough – catch my breath before I was back on track for Mile 2, which was little slower, but just as blissful.  I thought for a moment about giving Mile 3 a try, but decided against it.  I was perfectly content and didn’t want to push my knee (or my lungs, for that matter) too far, too fast.

While I was running (musing over what I would write in my blog, of course), I realized that I definitely need running in my life.  I’m not the same without it now, and I don’t know how I functioned without it before.

It’s like my whole life is categorized by running – before I started running and after I started running.  Then and now.  Past and present. 

For me, there is no going back to the way it was before – the way it was then – the past.  Extremely overweight.  Headaches.  Always hungry.  Addicted to sugar, fat, and empty carbs.  Hating myself.  Constantly putting myself down.  Hopeless.  Ugly.  Sick and tired all the time.  Achy.  Distracted, depressed, dysfunctional and dependent.  Emotional, yet empty.  Diabetic.  Angry.  Sad.  Overwhelmed.  Stressed.  Cautious.  Hurting.  A loser.  These things are bad – horrible, even – and while I still feel some of them sometimes (don’t we all?), I never want to go back to these as my everyday life.

Today I am a different person and I need running constantly to continue being – and maybe even loving – the person that I am.  Strong.  Healthy.  Beautiful.  Self-confident.  Independent and inspirational.  Athletic.  Thinner.  Happy.  Determined, dedicated, and driven.  Diabetes-free.  Empowered and energetic.  Balanced.  A Runner.

Running is what we make of it.  We get out of it what we put into it.  We can complain and moan and groan about getting out there and hitting the pavement when we are tired; it’s too hot or cold out; it’s raining or snowing; we have an ache or a pain; we don’t have a running buddy or the trail will be too crowded; or we just don’t “feel like it.”  Then, we get nothing.  When we don’t even try, we gain nothing.

But, when we put even a little bit of effort into making it happen – great things will happen.  Running has transformed my life – all because I decided to do something.  For all the times I don’t feel like running – tired, bored, frustrated, whatever – and run anyway, I am never ever ever disappointed that I did.  

 Not once.  And I know I never will be as long as I keep running.

“Bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible.” 

– William Shakespeare