Remember this conversation? Yeah, me too. It still irks me (completely off topic, I do love that word).
Riiiight…can you believe there is more? Same supposed fellow runner came to me again this morning and wanted to introduce the “Goofy” girl to his friends – his word, not mine. Not that I mind being called Goofy– it is what I am running, after all – but, it was the manner in which he said it, kind of like he was teasing me.
I started off pleasant, enough.
“Tell ’em, you are running a half, then a full the next day, right? Back to back, right?” He said.
“Yes, I sure am,” I said.
[They all stared at me]
“So you’re really going to do it, you’re really going to run that far?” He asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“What is your weekly mileage up to?” he asked.
“Oh, anywhere from 15-25 right now,” I said.
“What? Seriously?” He asked.
“Yes. I’ve had a few setbacks, but I have a training plan that I am confident in and I am feeling a lot better than I was a few weeks ago, actually,” I said.
He laughed.
“Wow. Well, it’s all about the miles,” he said, “If you want to run that kind of race on those kinds of miles, well, good luck because it is going to be a looooooong race! Well, what can I say? G-o-o-f-y.”
And this was just the start to my otherwise horrible day.
I don’t why I can’t just brush this dude off, but he is really bothering me. Again, please tell me if I am taking this all wrong. [P.S. Your comments and support in my last post regarding this were wonderful! I am so glad to have the support of the blogging community].
So, what are my thoughts on this? Oh, besides telling him to shove it, get over himself and that running always takes me a long time so he needs to be the one to get over it? Hmmm…
Do not tell me how to train. Even if you have done it (which he has not). What works for you may not work for me. What works for me may throw a wrench in your happy plans. If I ask you for your advice and you tell me in a kind manor based on your experiences or what you know that is one thing, but please do not presume to be an expert when clearly you are not.
Why not be supportive every chance you can? Being surprised that someone is doing something extraordinary is one thing – discouraging them from the start is completely another. Why do people feel the need to put someone else down or make them feel uncomfortable only to make themselves feel better? I think we have all struggled with self esteem from time to time, why not use that struggle to encourage and offer hope to others? Not to make them feel inadequate or like less of a person. One of the most rewarding experiences of my life has been pace coaching for MIT. I love to help others and help them realize and achieve their goals. It is just amazing for me to watch someone cross the finish line of their first half or full marathon. There is nothing like it in the world because I know how that feels and I know how it feels to accomplish that goal when others say you can’t. It is a beautiful thing being able to help other runners who are not unlike me.
Bottom line? I am running the Goofy for me and my mother. It doesn’t matter why this guy thinks I should or should not do it. Truth is, I go back and forth between feeling good and feeling really unprepared. I have been alternating between running two running plans – one is based on running miles and the other is based on time of your feet. I feel better lately about the race, but it is coming up so fast! The timed runs are helping me get my endurance back, but I worry about the “long” runs because I have not been doing many of those. I figure I will be in Disney, have a break from work and will have great memories of my mom and family so even if I have to walk or run-walk the Goofy, I know I will finish. I am not going into it with any other expectation that that. I would love to RUN it all, but if I don’t, that is okay. It will just give me something to shoot for next time, right?? It is okay with me so why should it bother someone else? I’m not sorry I signed up for it at all. In fact, I know it is an exciting opportunity that I may never have again.
And another bottom line? The only reason I am able to go on a trip to Orlando and run this race is because my mother is no longer here. We were supposed to go on a vacation to Disney back in May, but did not after her sudden passing. Disney was able to switch the trip to a time of our choosing (January) and my Dad, sister and I know how much my mother would have been thrilled about us running Disney. Disney was her first love, after all. Maybe that is what upsets me so much, this guys has absolutely no idea what this race means to me. It’s not only about the miles for me. It is so much more than that, I am not even sure that I can effectively put it into words. In short, The Goofy is one more long run I can share with my mother – no one can take that from me. When I am running for me, it is just me and her out there. Nothing else matters at that time.
What do you think? How would you handle this guy or anyone who tries to tell you that your training is “wrong”? Have you ever encountered a situation like this? How would these conversations make you feel?
Until the next mile marker,
Follow
Sara, it sounds like this guy is a GIANT jerk… You just keep on doing what you need to do to get ready for this and you are so right. It’s about you and your mom. Aunt Darlene would be so proud of you for doing this 🙂 Sending lots of love to you!
I am sorry you have to keep hearing from this dude. I guess there is no way to get rid of him at work? Does he work with you? He sounds like a self-centered jerk. You don’t need him.
Your reasons for doing Goofy are admirable and inspiring. Don’t let this jerk get you down. Sometimes you need to just be blunt & honest with someone like that to shock them into stopping what he is saying. Sting him with words and maybe he’ll get the point. Hang in there.
Screw this dude – he has no idea what he is messing with and that is one determined and driven person. He should be so lucky to even be in your presence. This was so aggravating for me to read because some people are just dumb and ignorant.
YOU should be proud of your accomplishment regardless of time! Good luck this weekend and your mom will be so proud to have the best seat through it all!
I hate to hear that he is at it again. I’d probably tell him why you’re running at Disney and if he still wants to run his mouth then I would stay away. I have a very low tolerance for people who cause me unnecessary and unwarranted grief. I’m still sorry to hear what he said though. That’s so mean!
Sara, I don’t know why some people need to put other people down to make themselves feel better. I used to have to golf with a woman occasionally in a ladies league I played in, who thirved on people’s weaknesses. The worse her playing competitors played, the better she played. She was like a parasiite. I hated playing with her and found her mean and small.and eventually refused to do so.
This guy reminds me of that… like he has to put yoiu down and shake your confidence to fulfill some sick need in himself. Obviously he is not a happy confident person. If there is any way you can stay away from him, I urge you to do so.
Failing that, take Laurie’s advice here and zing/surprise him wit some comment that will shut him up.
Maybe just confront him and ask him WHY he is being so negative about YOUR plans? Does he not WANT you to do well? It is likely that he is just jealous of you!
I think you are doing so well with your training and your commitment to this event and this trip with your family, and for staying true to your Mother, in doing so.
I rarely cuss but this guy would get a big F U from me!!!
Who is he to 1) comment on your training as if you don’t know what you’re doing and 2) bring his friends to watch him mock you?
What, are we 11 years old on the playground again?
I want to punch this guy in the face soooooo bad! I am so angry for you.
The next time he even approaches you, just tell him straight up that you don’t want to talk to him because you don’t need his negativity and never asked for his advise and opinion.
Whew!
Anyway, I think it’s wonderful that you’re running Goofy for your mom. Focus on all that positivity. This race means more to you than that jerk can ever imagine. He’s the ignorant one. Focus on you and your goals and your mother’s memory. Don’t let this asshole steal that from you.
It’s your race Sara. Enjoy the time with your family & the memories of your mother. It’s your time. That’s all that matters.
Ugh, what a jerk!!! I had an eye opening experience this summer with my boy friend in regards to how different people train. I was sticking to a schedule and my friend was going out and just running. I was not getting in the same mileage as him (he was getting in 50 -80 mile weeks; I was averaging 35). I, personally, started feeling inadequate because of my ‘low’ mileage even though he, at no point, judged my training plan.
Just to be clear I would totally be annoyed at this dude!!!
On the other hand I have learned over the last few years that it is all about MY attitude. When I am feeling down on myself I take everything to heart! I think people like that need to be ignored and shrugged off as they are just projecting their own insecurities on you!!! It is kind of like the saying ‘misery loves company.’ I know when I am miserable I used to get down on the happy people but I know extract their energy and use it as my own. Perhaps this guy needs a reality check or perhaps killing him with kindness (I know very cliche) would be a better tactic.
Stay strong and ignore the jerk (if this wasn’t a public forum I have a totally different name for him ;))!!! You are better than he is any day!!!
Deep breath, Sarah.
This guy is a jerk and a fool. Do not feed into his negativity or snarkiness or he wins. You can’t control what he says, thinks or does. You can only choose to control how YOU react – your reaction. So you give him nothing – no reaction. Not sadness, not anger not glee. Nothing. Shrug it off and walk away when he does this. Then let your ‘goofy’ actions speak louder than words – wear your bling proudly after the fact.
there will always be a-holes in the world. you can’t argue with crazy or a-holes and ever really feel good so you can only control you. Who gives a flying a duck what this guy thinks. Who cares? This is your life, your race, your destiny. He should have no role in it and no say on how you feel about yourself. Do not give him one more minute of power.
It’s been my experience that when people try to tear you down it’s so they can try to build themselves up. I’m sure he wouldn’t even dream of attempting such a thing so petty people will criticize and discourage others rather than examine their own insecurities and road blocks. He’s a weak person. Pity him for he is merely jealous of your strength.
Sorry you have to deal with that. I think the only thing you can do is kill him with kindness – he obviously doesn’t know what he is talking about! Keep on doing your thing! 🙂
oh Sara. I cannot even begin to explain the anger that is going through me right now. I would seriously have screamed at this guy. What an idiot. it makes me sad when people judge us knowing so little about us. he obviously has not taken the time to see inside to your huge heart, passion and determination. He doesn’t know how many people you inspire. How you lead by example. Just how simply amazing you are. Sometimes we have to take a step back and just be confident in these things for ourselves..usually easier said than done. But know that you are incredible. That weekend will be one of the best and your mom WILL be by your side every step of the way. I know she is so proud of you!
I want to know who this guy is so I can go beat him up (or duct tape his mouth shut). You are an amazing woman and don’t let anyone tell you different. Do what works for YOU! Don’t let him rain on your parade. Next time he approaches you, just walk away.
((HUGS))
Kim
Some how – I think I missed his first remarks. Where do you know this yahoo from?
Ignore him. This is your race and your memories. When everything is said and done, the only person you have to answer to is yourself.
HUGS.
Sarah,
The guy is an ass. He has proven this fact to you twice.
Have you ever heard the term JADE. It stands for Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. It is something people do when they are trying to get an idiot to understand their point of view. If he ever comes up to you again, do bother trying to JADE. Just blatantly ignore him. Stare at him for a few seconds and just turn around like he is not there. This will give you ALL the power in the (non) conversation. He is not going to stop being an ass, but you show him that you will not tolerate his rudeness.
Barb N